"Oh, my dear, ill wait for you
Grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, ill keep you in my arms tonight"

This is what I need. I need someone to tell me this. I realize God is there, and wants me to see that He is ready for me to let go of everything. But I just can't. It's stupid. I just..don't know how. And not knowing how KILLS ME. If I knew, I wouldn't struggle every day. I wouldn't worry, doubt, or second guess everything. When the day comes, when I realize how to fix this...it's going to be a great day.

When Mike told everyone to reach up...like  a small child reaching for their father...it felt real. I didn't want that to go away. But of course it did...since the concert had to go on. And I was feeling better! Until nighttime. Night is a bad time of day. It's dark, it's scary, it's lonely. But it is possible to get through it...if you stay up long enough and eventually pass out.

No one understands depression unless you have been there. There is hope. I'm still looking for it, but I know it's there. Just know this...you NEVER have to walk alone.