" 'Cause my mind is like a building burning down
I need your grace to keep me, keep me from the ground
And my heart is just a prisoner of war
A slave to what it wants and to what I'm fighting for

So won't you empty my hands
Fill up my heart
Capture my mind with you."

~Tenth Avenue North

I guess it's been a while since I blogged...just like a month or two. I don't know how many people see this anyway. I guess it's more for me than anything else.

So I thought I got back on track to getting better. But I still feel the same. I feel like I should feel different. ^ That song up there? Is how I feel. My head is a crazy messed up place that needs peace. My heart is being pulled in 2 different directions...and boys aren't even involved in this one. It's God or the World. I know which one is right...but I've been with the World so long...that I forgot how to not be with it. I found someone to talk to...who actually listened and understood my problems. But...I feel like I can't call her. I mean, she's busy and has other people to deal with, and I don't want to be a burden. I do not..want to be a burden. To anyone. I need God. I need to live for Him. My heart is changed but I feel like such a failure. I was feeling so much better too. So much for that. Good thing no one sees this. Too vulnerable.

Next problem. My friend and this guy who I have a past with are now talking. It doesn't upset me, but I don't know why I can never keep my mouth shut and just let people be friends. I realllly know how to ruin relationships. Second reason I'm a failure. To my best friend to top it off. When will I be able to be like a normal person and not interfere with other people's lives?

All I need..is to be swept off my feet by that incredible love that I know God offers. What do I have to do?