"I'm not a fortune teller
I won't be bringing news of what tomorrow brings
I'll leave that up to you
I'm not a fortune teller
Don't have crystal ball
I can't predict the future
Can't see nothing at all"
~Maroon 5
Well, my song for the day. Do you ever wonder about the future? How it will turn out? What God has in store for your life? I do. All. The Time. Some days it just seems like...like there's no purpose to life. But other days, it feels like I belong. I think I spend so much time making sure everyone else feels wanted in this world, that I forget about myself. I give up because no one cares. "People care about you!" says people on the outside looking in. Yeah? Prove it.
Oh, another thing I'm sick of.. "I miss you!" Ok, if you miss me DO something about it. Don't just say it and move on. Oh, "I love you" is a good one too. Makes me laugh. You love me? Show me. I won't believe it until someone, the right person, does exactly what needs to be done to make me smile and fall completely in love with them. Sounds impossible? I'm impossible? No. I have high expectations. And nothing is going to make me lower them.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Sunday, July 15, 2012
"Oh, my dear, ill wait for you
Grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, ill keep you in my arms tonight"
This is what I need. I need someone to tell me this. I realize God is there, and wants me to see that He is ready for me to let go of everything. But I just can't. It's stupid. I just..don't know how. And not knowing how KILLS ME. If I knew, I wouldn't struggle every day. I wouldn't worry, doubt, or second guess everything. When the day comes, when I realize how to fix this...it's going to be a great day.
When Mike told everyone to reach up...like a small child reaching for their father...it felt real. I didn't want that to go away. But of course it did...since the concert had to go on. And I was feeling better! Until nighttime. Night is a bad time of day. It's dark, it's scary, it's lonely. But it is possible to get through it...if you stay up long enough and eventually pass out.
No one understands depression unless you have been there. There is hope. I'm still looking for it, but I know it's there. Just know this...you NEVER have to walk alone.
Grace tonight will pull us through
Until the tears have left your eyes
Until the fear can sleep at night
Until the demons that you're scared of
Disappear inside
Until the scale begins to crack
And this weight falls from your back
Oh, my dear, ill keep you in my arms tonight"
This is what I need. I need someone to tell me this. I realize God is there, and wants me to see that He is ready for me to let go of everything. But I just can't. It's stupid. I just..don't know how. And not knowing how KILLS ME. If I knew, I wouldn't struggle every day. I wouldn't worry, doubt, or second guess everything. When the day comes, when I realize how to fix this...it's going to be a great day.
When Mike told everyone to reach up...like a small child reaching for their father...it felt real. I didn't want that to go away. But of course it did...since the concert had to go on. And I was feeling better! Until nighttime. Night is a bad time of day. It's dark, it's scary, it's lonely. But it is possible to get through it...if you stay up long enough and eventually pass out.
No one understands depression unless you have been there. There is hope. I'm still looking for it, but I know it's there. Just know this...you NEVER have to walk alone.
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